Humans Need to Help: Why finding your purpose is food for more than you know
Help!
I need your help. I want to make it easy for everyone in the world to find their purpose. I know this is a tall task. That’s why I need your help. I'm desperate.
Help is only a four letter word (not that type of four letter word), but it’s much bigger in meaning.
When someone asks you for help, they are acknowledging a lack of capability. They are asking something of you, but also telling you something about themselves. It's not out of the ordinary for someone to talk about themselves, but it's normally about good things or accomplishments, not struggles.
It should not be concluded that asking for help is bad or an undesirable admission of weakness. In fact, it's very desirable. It is designed to lead to an accomplishment. That accomplishment could take a long time (like making it easy for EVERYONE in the world to find their purpose), or it could take five minutes (like putting away groceries). Regardless of the severity of the task, the help is essential to the satisfaction of the person asking. It's not necessarily something that they could absolutely not do themselves, but it's something that they could not do as well or as efficiently without the assistance they are requesting.
The surface level takeaway here is to ask for help. It's not a sign of weakness. It's the strength to admit a need.
It may seem elementary, but the relationship between ”help” and ”need” is strong. Additionally, the relationship is extremely balanced. We've established that the person asking needs help. But, what does the other party need? They, also, need help. They need TO help; just as much their counterpart needs to be helped. And so the relationship is balanced.
Human beings have a need to provide. If not, the concept of ”help” would not exist. See The Social Psychology Perspectives on Helping Others.
I know this is a challenge. I'm telling you that you have a need to help. In fact, it's a bit self-serving. I'm trying to show you that you NEED to make an impact, which is essentially my purpose (that I found, not so easily, which is why I'm determined to make it easy for everyone). My conviction, though, is warranted.
Given the balance between need ”for” help and need ”to” help, there should be an adequate supply of for each side its satisfy their need. In other words, if you need help, there are plenty of helpers. If you need TO help, there are plenty IN need.
Great news! Get out there and impact the world! Not so fast. I love the enthusiasm. As with many of my musings, there’s some considering to do prior to action.
At the cross section that is Impact, lie four things.
Someone or something in need
The specific thing that is needed
Someone or something with a purpose
An ability to satisfy the need
Someone or something in need
This person often needs to be found, whether in your own home or across the world. They should be encouraged to share that they are in need and to ask for help. A problem unknown is a problem unsolved.
The specific thing that is needed
This often needs to be found as well. What exactly is it that is needed? Make sure this is accurately identified, especially in larger projects. It would be a shame to exert a lot of energy for the wrong reason or in the wrong manner.
Someone or something with a purpose
This is you, a key cog in the wheel of impact. What's your purpose? I don’t know it…yet. If you do, please tell me. I want to connect you to who you can help. If you're not sure, I want to help you figure it out. Find me @bdepa on social or comment below.
An ability to satisfy the need
There’s nothing wrong with not being able to fix something. Remember, there is balance. It's not a waste to identify the other things on the list and fall short here. You have already made an impact by taking it to that point. If you really want to help, you can find the right person or thing to do the job. Also, you've learned something about yourself and can apply immediately.
The presence of these four things is essential. The order in which they appear is not. Ironically, I find that they often appear unexpectedly and in a different order than we expect. With that in mind, seeking your purpose is as much about being open to experience as it is about finding something.
When you look for something, it tends to be specific in nature. It is that specificity that can limit our awareness of what we really want. Don't limit yourself with something too defined or a place that is too narrow.
I've had pretty good luck with cars over the years. I certainly don't attribute that to my own skills. I'm not much of a gear head. I'm a ”get me to where I need to go (with good miles per gallon of gasoline)” kind of guy. I keep that in mind when caring for my vehicles.
Does anyone enjoy car shopping and buying? It's not something I want to do a lot. In defense of car dealerships, the process has improved, but I still see it to be less than ideal.
I currently drive a charcoal grey 2010 Mercury Milan Premier Edition (ten year sold and still chugging). I don't normally reference my car with that much detail, but I did when I was shopping. Actually, I call him Milo (pronounced MEE-loh). I know it’s strange for someone who doesn’t know much about cars to name his own.
When my wife and I decided that I needed to get a car (I previously had an inefficient sports utility vehicle, great vehicle just didn’t fit our needs at the time), I dove into research. Nobody over researches like this guy! I was determined, with some help from Google and my father-in-law, to uncover the perfect car for us.
Mercurys are such good cars that Ford (the parent company) decided to discontinue them after my model. Either we got one just in time or we should have waited for something else. I like to think we made a good purchase, considering Milo is still doing well.
After looking into all different kinds of styles, colors, makes, models, features, and a host of other characteristics, I settled on a 2010 charcoal gray Mercury Milan Premier edition. I’ll save you the time of explaining the why behind everything. What’s most important is that I had “built” the perfect car.
After weeks of research we came home on a Friday and decided to head to the closest Ford dealer to see if we could purchase the car we wanted. It was pretty late, but the showroom and lot were open. A salesperson greeted us and proceeded to work through his routine. I tried on multiple occasions to explain to him exactly what we wanted but he seemed to skip over various details and attempted to make different cars fit what we wanted. At the end of our time, we determined that they did not have what we were looking for and our salesman thought it was a waste of time to have what we wanted to be shipped to us despite telling him we were willing to pay the $500 needed.
We left that night after asking him to make the calls he needed and get back to us the next day (Saturday). We went home feeling there was a chance he would come through. But, he did not call when he said he would the next morning. It was about 10 o’clock when I decided to call him. He answered and sounded like he was in a wind storm. I could barely hear him, but was able to make out “I’ll call you in an hour”. An hour went by and there was no call.
The previous year, we had purchased a a gray 2010 Hyundai Elantra (“Ellie”) from a Hyundai dealer near our home (what’s with the gray cars?). We had a pretty good experience there. Thinking of that, my wife suggested I take a ride over there and check out the Sonata. I was reluctant, but frustrated enough with the Ford salesman that I decided to take a ride.
When I arrived at the Hyundai dealer on a late Saturday morning it was packed with people. I have never seen a car dealership so busy. Every car was surrounded and every desk was full. All the salesman were busy. I was expecting to be bombarded like one normally is when walking into a showroom at an auto dealership. I stood around for about five minutes and was considering leaving when someone walked by me and asked if I needed help. I told him yes, and he said he would be back shortly.
I waited patiently and was about to leave again when he came back. He asked what I needed. I told him the story about my experience at the Ford dealer and the exact car I sought.
He said, “Wait, what kind of car did you want?”.
I said, “a Milan”.
“What edition?”
“Premier”
“What color?”
“Gray”
He pointed out the front entrance to the guest parking where there was the most beautiful sedan shining brightly in the morning sun. He told me that someone had traded that car in and immediately bought a Hyundai Genesis for cash. This meant that he really wasn’t too concerned about how much money he got for the trade.
The dealership must have received a great deal on Milo because we bought him for half of the manufacturer’s suggested retail price and he only had 1,200 miles on the road. We also received a GPS upgrade. Which at the time was valuable, because cell phones weren’t as advanced as they are today. They also called the previous owner to have him bring in the extra key that he didn’t give them. Sadly, after calling his phone number, they found out that he had unexpectedly passed away after trading the car in. The family was nice enough to bring the key in to the dealership, but it felt so odd to have the car after that.
In reality, the perfect car for us existed. I almost never found that out because I had the perfect scenario planned out in my head and was determined to make it work.
We never did hear back from the guy at the Ford dealership. He could still be walking through the wind tunnel he was in when I last spoke to him. I certainly don’t wish him harm. Oddly, I’m glad things went the way they did. I ultimately found what I was seeking. It wasn’t the expected path, but I loosened my restrictions a little bit and good things happened.
If we can loosen the reigns that we tend to put on ourselves, we can open numerous new opportunities. Information is readily available in various forms these days. A purpose could be just a little research, a conversation, or a short trip away.
Remember, the four points of impact do not come in any order. Consider looking for those in need or looking for a problem to solve. This may be easier than trying to identify one’s own skills and how to use them for impact.
I want to make it easy for everyone to find their purpose because as human beings we all desire a clearly defined, noble purpose. If we identify that purpose, we are bound to pursue what is noble. It has taken me a long time to figure that out. And while I believe part of the discovery is the journey itself, I also wish I would have been a little more openminded earlier in my life. I wish I would have been more willing to let certain things come to me, rather than always fighting to find them immediately.
I should have asked someone for help. I needed help and there was someone out there who needed TO help. It could have been a great match.
I wish I could have read In Helping Others, You Help Yourself, by Marianna Pogosyan Ph.D. when I was five years old.
Don’t ignore your need to help. It’s life changing for all.