Small Acts of Kindness Make the Biggest Difference
You may not be able to change the world but you can change the world for one.
I’ve said it many times. I believe that the concept is essential to the future of humanity.
We have to stop selfishly in our “selflessness”. I acknowledge that there are big problems in the world; hunger, lack of clean water, discrimination, racism, antisemitism, political tension, etc.
Unfortunately, the biggest problems will not be solved quickly. On a positive note, there are over seven and a half billion people on Earth to address all the issues.
If your motivation for solving a problem is fame, you have your own problem. We need less focus on recognition and more genuine kindness.
Love: The Verb
I have told the story of a Habitat for Humanity Global Village trip to an indigenous community of Mayan descendants before. I also describe it in detail in my book “Personal Finance in a Public World” (pre-order here, publishes in December of 2021). The most important thing I learned from that experience was that the most powerful things often go unnoticed or unexplained.
Helping building a home for a family that does not have one was the ultimate expression of love. Especially, in a community that speaks and unwritten language and has no word for “love”.
I suppose by celebrating our work with Habitat I am contradicting my previous statement. But, it do it as an illustration and not a request for recognition. If something as important as a home was almost misunderstood it’s easy to believe that smaller acts of kindness could also go overlooked.
Learning to be Nice
I was required to take a class on manners when I was in high school. It was actually part of our physical education curriculum. Boys took a separate class from girls. I could tell that our P.E. teacher (and track coach, who is probably enjoying the Summer Olympics as I type) wasn’t to thrilled about this part of his job.
We studied units on some of the most useless (at least for fourteen year old boys) things. I read about what side of the plate to put specific pieces of silverware on when setting a table, what a charger is, how to fold clothes, how to address an elder, how to address a lady, and even how to shake a hand. How hard is it to shake a hand? Even I could figure that out without explanation.
Looking back, I see that class differently. I’ve never really needed to use most of the specific teachings. But, the general concept of understanding other people’s wellbeing has served me very well.
Healthy Relationships = Healthy Life
Humans are designed to care for one another. It provides sustainable environments and long term joy and fulfillment. Sadly, society has led us to seek short term joy (which is possible) and short term fulfillment (which I believe is impossible).
The way to combat our desire for immediate happiness is actually to provide it for others. Consistent small acts of kindness are a driving force to healthier emotions.
Focus on simple things such as:
Asking someone how they are doing
Asking how you can be of assistance to someone
Opening doors for people
Offering to carry something for someone
Offering a ride to the airport for someone traveling
Paying for a friend’s meal.
Sending a card to someone in need.
A happy text message
A happy bitmoji (for you gen Zers)
Cooking and delivering a meal
Praying for someone
Buying something useful for someone unexpectedly
Mowing someone’s lawn
The list is endless. Consistent kindness is not hard. The more people you provide it to the more healthy relationships you’ll have. You’ll likely receive acts of kindness in return and develop deeper bonds with people. As for the strangers you are kind to; they’ll be more likely to be kind to the people close to them. This is great for the world.
Uncorrelated to Risk
There’s no chart for kindness.
I work in the financial world. I love it. A lot of my work involves balancing risk for reward. The families that we partner with at Initiate Impact are often looking to minimize the risk to their family’s financial life while also doing something great to positively impact the world. It’s a noble mission. However, I find that it is often not needed.
I believe that kindness, being nice, and positively impact does not have to be associated with risk. In other words, you don’t have to take any risk to be a good person. A huge, world recognized impact project, will carry risk. But remember, we don't need more big projects. We need need more consistency.
There’s no risk in treating people well.
Being a Missionary in Your Daily Life
I’m bringing back a lot of previous points this week. It’s because kindness is a foundational premises of how an impactmaker lives.
For my next act of reminiscing, I call on Spoke Folk. You know from other pieces of content that I was on a biking, musical, ministry tour the past couple weeks. I met my wife through Spoke Spoke and we travel to another United State every year (outside of pandemics) with a new group of people. I think it’s important to note that much of the group each year does not know each other. And even if they do, they are not used to living out of a suitcase on top of each other for twelve days. Sounds like a great time, huh?
You can see Spoke Folk’s website for more information on what the organization is all about. But for the purposes of this entry, I will concentrate on one of the life lessons I learned from attending these trips.
On my first ever tour (each trip is called a tour because we tour around a state on bicycles), I knew a few people that I went with, but none of them well. The majority of the group of forty I was meeting for the first time. Sadly, it was awkward how nice they were to me.
My mindset going into the trip was not good. I was intent on having a terrible time. My parents made me go and the people I went with dragged me along. My plan to be miserable worked very well the first day and a half. Somehow, I had convinced myself that people being nice was weird and that it was my “style”. It WAS weird. But, just to me. I hesitate to admit it but it really wasn’t my style. I needed to shift.
Something changed after the initial time period. I think there were two major forces at work. First of all, the natural desire to belong kicked in. If everyone else was being nice (to me, overly nice at the time) I was going to have to follow suit or I’d be the odd one out for the next week and a half. Secondly, I began to notice the need for people to be appreciated and the need for people to appreciate.
Spoke Folk is a mission trip that teaches high school and college age students (and adults) to be better missionaries and their daily lives. This is seems aggressive. It is; but differently than you may think. It’s not a seminary or specific missionary training as much as it is a community of supportive people helping each other develop great daily habits. We believe strongly that everyone can missionary right where they are, doing what they do, and how they are able.
How Important is Kindness?
Psychology Today published a great article by Karyn Hall in 2017 entitled “The Importance of Kindness”.
Ironically, Karyn references Darwin and I just finished a point related to a Christian mission trip. But, Darwin found humans to be instinctual caring and sympathetic. I believe our efforts to be elite and standout have lead us to develop habits contrary to our natural instincts.
Hall says, “Science has shown that devoting resources to others, rather than having more and more for yourself, brings about lasting well-being.” She also points out that kindness has been known to be the most important predictor of a healthy marriage. I’m convinced that it helps other relationships too.
“Kindess is a willingness to full-heartedly celebrate someone else’s successes.”, says Hall. This can be added to the above list.
Also, another key point is that you must be kind to yourself. This is different than seeking fame from your works (no matter how noble they are) as mentioned above. It’s about taking care of yourself and speaking kindly (not arrogantly) about who you are. The way you treat yourself rubs off on those around you. Make it habitual to be kind to everyone; including you.
Finding the Way
It was hard for me to adjust to nice people when I was sixteen. This is because I wasn’t comfortable in my own style. I wasn’t a mean person. I was just neutral. You could say I was a “fencer” as E.A. Csolkovits from Givers University described. on Speaking of Impact Episode 56. I was primed to be pushed in any direction. Thankfully, Spoke Folk encouraged me to be a giver.
If 60% of us are “fencers”, then most of us just need to surround ourselves with the right people and practice kind habits.
Find your own “oddly kind” group to hang out with. Pick a few kind habits to develop. Practice them. Perfect them. Then, find some more. Be consistent with your niceness and joy and fulfillment (which is only long term, remember?) will come.
The world has lots of “big” problems but perhaps the biggest is that we don’t prioritize the little things.
You’re an impactmaker all day every day.