E-Impact has spent a lot of time on modern technology.  Impactmakers don’t always have to create the latest things, but we do need to understand them.  We need to identify the greatest of those and use them for good.  Otherwise, someone will use them for “bad”.  With that being said, some foundational concepts are much simpler than cutting edge technologies.  We need to look back. 

Research

In recent research for my book, I came across a fascinating study of happiness and wellness that has been going on for over eighty years.  I found and read numerous articles related to it and struggled to find the one that illustrates my point in this entry the best.  Therefore, I’ll link to The Grant Study Wikipedia article and you can choose where to do your research.  Which by the way, is a vitally important activity for an impactmaker.  

I don’t view E-Impact as a tutorial, or even an advertisement for the “impact maker club”, but it’s good to point out the things that drive the proper mindset.  The action of researching itself has taught me its importance.   As it is with many of the forms of media I have recently been involved in, writing a book seems to give me more than I will be able to receive.

The Grant Study

The Grant Study has determined that human relationships are the most important factors in our happiness and long term wellness.  It started in 1938 studying 268 Harvard students.  It has since expanded to thousands of people over that period.  The current director of the study is Robert Waldinger.  Outside of his noteworthy first name (Can I call him Bob?), Robert has provided much insight on how we can live healthier lives.  See his Ted Talk here.  

The Study has taught us many lessons.  If Waldinger and all the other brilliant people that have worked on it have lead us to relationships, we need to concentrate on them.  We need to do our best to develop and sustain healthy relationships in order to make the world a better place.  

A healthy relationship has two sides.   This means that the bond you form is good for you and for someone else.  The joy they get from that relationship will be reciprocated.  As we’ve said before, kindness is contagious.  But even stronger than a simple kind act is a loving relationship.

The great thing about an eighty year old study is its sample size.  We can trust that there is enough information to accurately indicate valuable points.  We can also look back and see which things stand the test of time.  

Modern Technology

Technology is supposed to make our lives better.  I believe that it often does.  But, it also has times where it pulls us away from important things like the relationships we have with loved ones.  Technology was much different eighty years ago.  I am sure there were things that strained relationships, yet I know that community and groups interaction was different.  The coronavirus has certainly had something to do with it, but more recent history has shown us spending more time using on demand, more individual forms of entertainment than the people of the early Twentieth Century.

In addition to our leisure habits, we have also moved to a more digital professional environment.  We pack our schedules…no wait, artificial intelligence packs our schedules with appointments.  We are too busy to even interact with people and determine if there is synergy.  We send them a Calendly, Accuity, or Schedule Once link and we don’t even talk before the first meeting.  

I am a user of the digital calendar.  Call me a hypocrite, but I’m trying to combat the problem.  I have a calendar posted on bobdepasquale.com and initiateimpact.com for people to schedule meetings if they are not talking to me or my team.  But, I don’t throw calendar links around like a spider web.  I speak with people whether on the phone or in digital fashion and ask about available times, mention my own, and give the option of using the electronic scheduling system.  I find that most people appreciate the additional interaction and then, when we have the meeting (usually a web chat), we’ve already had some interaction.  It may seem like small talk, but it really isn’t.  It’s productive and actually makes the initial live conversation smoother.

It’s Just Business

The world will always find ways to evolve.  Systems and methods will change, yet our interaction with others remains a foundation to our wellness and production.  The business world is a high stress, results driven atmosphere.  

The best business people seem to be driven, relentless, controlling, and willing to take risks.  All of these things seem to be characteristics that would lead me to another sports example.  While athletic competition could certainly illustrate those things, it really doesn’t apply to many of us.  Two percent of National Collegiate Athletic Association players become professional athletes.  We have 11,800 professional athletes in the United States.  The number is growing, but the population is 328 million.  Therefore, only 3.6% of people live their professional dream. 

The fact is, most people will be in some sort of business environment professionally.  You may not own a business or even manage one, but you work for someone or something.  If you want to move up the ladder or create your own ladder you have to implement the above items.  You’re going to need to take massive action and put some other things in life on the line.  There will be plenty of human interaction along the way.

The Center of Attention

Growing up as an only child has its pros and cons.  You get to do a lot of things the way you want to, but you have to do them alone.  Your parents give you a lot of attention, but they always know what you are doing.  You have your own bedroom, but you lay awake at night in silence.  I have always believed that I was meant to be an only child for various reasons.  I am sure my wife would agree that there are plenty of things that indicate living with me is more than enough responsibility.  I know my parents “gave up” after me.  I was the center of attention and a handful.  

There were some great lessons from not having any siblings.  I often had responsibilities that may normally be shared in a household.  There was no one else to help cook, clean, take out the garbage, mow the lawn (although dad treated this and our chihuahua, Zero, like his other son, see the August 18, 2021 E-Impact).  I learned to get things done.

Perhaps the most important lesson I learned growing up was related to the relationships I needed.  There are definitely times in my life where I like to be alone.  I feel more productive, less distracted, less examined, and more free.  However, I am a social being and interaction is very important.  I knew this at a young age.  My legos from E-Impact 36 were not always enough to keep me entertained.  Texting wasn’t an option back then and neither was a digital calendar.  Thankfully, we did have landline telephones.  

I remember waking up on a Saturday morning (or occasionally afternoon) and “hittin’ the phones”.  This was surprisingly great exercise to help my business skills later in life.  However, at the time I was just looking for a friend to play with.  We didn’t have “play dates”.  In fact, the first time I heard someone reference the concept, I had no idea what they were talking about.  I thought an adult was talking about their romantic life and not their kids’ social calendar.  

My phone calls filled two roles in my life (three, if you count the sales training I just mentioned).  First of all, it was a way to find some fun for the day.   I just wanted to hang out and be a kid with some other people my age.  Secondly though, it was also interaction in itself.  I always felt good about communicating with whoever answered the phone.  It could have been a parent, sibling, or even the friend I trying to reach.   I enjoyed building community.  

The Sales Shark

At a certain point, my Saturday morning phone routine faded.  I started having more organized activities and got my social interaction through sports on the weekend and a lot through school during the week.  It was nice having things like youth night at church already on the calendar.  But, the desire to reach out never did leave me.  

When America Online Instant Messenger came out, I was hooked.  I would have ten or more chat windows open carrying on multiple conversations with people across the country (or maybe beyond).  There’s something to be said here about the early stages of stimulation overload and multitasking, but I was really just reliving my Saturday morning phone call routine.  

Once I got into the professional world I began to apply my connection techniques in a business sense.  It was natural to make phone calls, ask to speak with someone, and then ask for something such as a meeting or access to somewhere.  It felt normal for a short period of time.  Unfortunately, that didn’t last.  My employers applied some pressure on me to produce more business.  My communication skills drifted from interaction based to sales driven.  And while there is nothing wrong with that alone, if you combine it was the desire to get ahead, your mind gets pulled away from community.   You become a hunter.  You kill for profit.

The Sower

I never considered myself a good salesman.  I think sales is a noble, necessary role in most organizations.  It doesn’t matter if you work for a for profit company, a non-profit, or your personal impact project, you have to sell your “stuff”.  It means a lot to you or your company and it’s your job to show people how important it is.  

I always acted with integrity and kept the interest of those I did business with at the forefront of negotiation.  At the same time I was driven, relentless, controlling, and willing to take risks.  I moved quickly and efficiently.  Once a deal was done, I moved on.  There was no need to spend time celebrating or continuing the relationship.  There was the occasional need to communicate, but nothing beyond words and reports.

I wish I spent more time continuing to build those relationships that I had.  Maybe something else could have some from them.  The jobs were presented to me as a hunt and I thought I was just executing my role.  But, the healthier thing to do would have been to plant some seeds.   I should have been a sower instead of a hunter.

The seeds of relationships don’t always grow to be lushes gardens, but they rarely poison.  If they are toxic, it can be recognized.  It’s worth the risk of vulnerability to “water” a relationship and see how it can grow.  

The Season of Life

The great thing about being a relationship farmer is that you don’t have to wait until the spring every year to start working.  In everything that you do you can sow seeds of kindness, encouragement, and community.  If you’re a business person you can close huge deals while concerning yourself with your counterparts well-being.  You can call them on a Saturday morning and ask for a “play date” instead of a contract.  If you are a trainer of some sort, you can push your clients to the brink of exhaustion (mental or physical) and then celebrate their achievement with them in a social setting.  

Our lives are one big season of interaction.  We have the opportunity to plant seeds everyday.  Impactmakers can be relentless and driven in their pursuit of positive interaction.  They can take control of bad a situation and put themselves at risk to improve it.

There is great reason to build community.  

Let us combine the lessons of a study that began during The Great Depression, modern technology, and the spirit of positive change and tend to the great garden of interaction.