I’m a faithful guy.  But, that faith often wanes.  It’s because I’m human.

It’s my humanity that also keeps me coming back.  I believe that it is not by my own efforts that I live this life.

I’m not a preacher (although I do have the honor of officiating my cousin’s [see Speaking of Impact Episode 21] wedding this summer, assuming the virus is in check), but I often call on a higher power for an explanation of things.  

The human race has an amazing capacity to create and sustain on Earth.  In fact, it’s even spreading beyond that now.  Check out SpaceX and Blue Origin.  Jeff Bezos just stepped down as CEO of Amazon to pursue this.

This is a beautiful Photo by Guillermo Ferla on Unsplash.

But what about beyond our universe?  What about what we can’t see?  Or, what we can’t feel?

The Precious Commodity

As humans, we are bound by time.  It’s finite for us.  

We can generally understand something having an end and something that lasts forever.  We can also understand the beginning of things.  But, what about something that has no beginning?

Time is so important to us because we will run out at some point.  The other things in life are not restricted in the same fashion.  

A foundation of my belief in God is that He is timeless.  

Read God and Time.  It’s an unbiased writing on theism and time.  

Many religions have some sort of view about their god(s) and time.  I know that I will die without an understanding of my God’s time (or lack thereof) and I’m working on my acceptance of that.  

For now, time is precious.

Maybe there will be a time when it is not. 

My Greatest Understanding of Triumph

Episode 1 of Speaking of Impact explains my battle with cancer and experience with the September 11th terrorist attacks.  

Assuming you were alive, September 11, 2001 will bring back some memories.  Some people have memories of where they were that morning.  Others think of what it looked like.  Sadly, many lost their lives.  For me, it was different.  And it lasted for years.

You can listen to the first ever episode of the podcast (hopefully, the novice host is bearable) for even more perspective, but here you just need a simple understanding of an otherwise very healthy 18 year old athlete moving to New York and being diagnosed with cancer shortly before the attacks.    

The relevant story today is about the years immediately after the fall of 2001.  We are 19 years removed from this, but things are just as vivid in my mind.

When my oncologist, Dr. Francis Arena, explained my treatment protocol he told me three things.  

• You have a very aggressive form of cancer. It’s in lymph nodes in your abdomen.

• It’s highly treatable.

• Do exactly what I say.

I’ve always had a strong sense of loyalty.  I am slow to make decisions and commitments, but when I do, I am in.  It applies to my drumming (see the December 29, 2020 E-Impact Entry), Toastmasters (see Episodes 2, 6, and 7 of Speaking of Impact), fitness, and professional development.  

Ironically, I write this as I resigned from my career of 11 years yesterday.  It was an amazingly challenging effort because I sense that I really let people down.  

When Dr. Arena said do what I say, I sprung into athlete mode.  I was determined to be the best cancer patient ever known.  Is that a thing?  Put me in a Ripley’s.  The tallest man ever was name Robert.  So, maybe there’s a name theme here. 

I was going to beat cancer like no one ever has.  This was way before “ringing the bell” and beat cancer clothes like this and this.  Check out these spats though?  Fire, right?  I would have had a purple, which is the color for testicular cancer, version of those if they existed at the time.

Motivation for an athlete is somewhere on the borderline of excitement and anger.  In order to get into the “zone” I had to get mad at cancer.  I was pissed.  There’s no other way to explain it. 

I used that anger to will myself through things such as, needles, drips, blood, scans, syringes, plungers, saline, Cisplatin, and Filgrastim.  The day Dr. Arena announced to me that my cancer was gone was the most triumphant day of my life at the time.  It was greater than high school state championships (the pinnacle of a adolescent athlete’s life), graduations, academic awards, Confirmation (sorry to the God referenced above), even a trip to Golden Corral (close second, actually, avoiding that place was a part of my treatment instruction).  

The sense of accomplishment was immense.

The Real Win

The great feelings of triumph lasted me two years.  I was a junior in college when things began to change.  I spent most of the fall semester of 2004 and the next 12 months feeling less accomplished.  I was almost a normal college student at that point and life was busy.  I had classes, practices, relationships and other responsibilities to juggle.  

My body was about as back to normal as it was going to be.  Yet, my mind was constantly running.  I slept little.  I ate a lot and thought even more.  I remember having a conversation with the Pastor of a church near my uncle’s house (yes the house where the incident described in the E-Impact Blog entry from October 6, 2020 occurred).  We talked about my story and what happened to the USA just a couple years prior.  He said nothing profound and didn’t reference anything overtly religious.  He just listened.  That’s what I needed.  

It was probably about a half hour talk.  Looking back, it seems as if 30 years of wisdom was crammed into just 30 minutes of interaction. 

Over the next year I became more aware of the things and people that were in my life with great purpose during my time of suffering.

My Guardian Angel

After I graduated college I felt like a free bird given the chance to fly to incredible heights.  I had planned on moving back to Florida attending the University of Miami (The “U” in Speaking of Impact Episode 30 with Justin Breen from BrEpic Communications).  

But first, my annual Spoke Folk trip.  I was headed to Virginia to bike around with people I didn’t know and put on a worship program.

One of the people I was going to “meet” was Trisha.  I’ll cut to the chase.  We’re married now.  Moving on…

Spoke Folk is one of those things that you have to experience yourself.  It’s terribly hard to explain it beyond the daily activities.  And while those activities are important, it’s the relationships and bonds that make it such an amazing experience (sadly, COVID-19 prevented it from happening last year, I’m having what seems like withdrawals).  

Prior to the social media of today, a good old fashioned phone call was a great way to keep in touch with your friends from a Spoke Folk trip.  I spent many hours speaking with people during the fall after a tour.  

My grad school experience like a blur to me because two years of classes and broadcasting events was crammed into 9 months.  I commuted to Miami from home most days and would be gone from 6 am to 10 pm.  

Despite my schedule I found the time to talk with “Spoke Folkers”, specifically Trisha.  At the risk of being relegated to the couch tonight, I’ll skip the sappy talk about how our love burgeoned through long distance calls (free after 9pm on the dinosaur like cell phone).  One discussion however is essential to this entry.

One night, Trisha and I were remising about September 11th and I was describing my experience.  When I asked her what was going on in her life at that point she talked about being a junior in high school.  I asked about school and what it was like.  She talked about her school, friends, sports, and some teachers.   One teach in particular was Mr. Zill.  Early in the semester, he announced to the class that everyone should pray for their future spouse. 

Imagine being 16 or 17 years old and your high school teacher telling you to pray for your future spouse, no less even think about them?  My future wife honored his request during the entire semester.  And although she didn’t know me yet, she prayed that I was safe, happy, and healthy.

At that point, we were now four years removed from my treatments.  I wasn’t alone.  Either Mr. Zill was a genius or I had some help during my journey as “the greatest cancer patient ever known”.  

The timing was right.

Acting In Time

The best way to get things done is to do just that.  Act. 

So, when is the right time?

In traditional impact fashion.  It’s now.  I always support doing over planning when there is a question.  However, recognizing good opportunities is important.  If you know your likelihood of success is slim, that’s not a good time to act.

I mentioned above that I left a great career after eleven years the day before writing this.  I also said that I am loyal by nature.  Those two don’t seem to go together.  But in fact, they do.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my professional mission over the past decade.  I have appreciated the vast majority of tasks, events, relationships, travels, and initiatives.  This doesn’t mean that everything was perfect.  

Loyalty is not about celebrating the great things.  It’s tested during the bad times.  I was determined to learn from the bad times I  had in my past career.  And although I am not foolish enough to fall back to 18 year-old, undestructable, cancer-beating Bobby, it was a personal decision to accept the challenges that lead to the good times.  

I encourage you to be loyal to the things that are good; the things that you know are positive despite their flaws.

With your loyalty you will develop great skills that extend beyond the scope of what to what you are being loyal.  They will make it into your personal life, your family, and your being itself.  

When you feel that you’ve given all that you can and received what is needed to move towards the next calling, THAT’S when it’s time to move.

Timing is everything.  

The RIGHT timing is inspiring.