How to Out-Love Your Competition
I heard Seth Godin say once, “We can’t outspend, outthink, or outwork our competition. But, we can out-love them.”
This is a profound statement and I almost disagreed with it. Almost…
When I thought about it more closely, I realized that I wholeheartedly agree - which is interesting considering I usually encourage those three things.
If you can outspend, outthink, or outwork your competition, you often should. However, it’s not often the case. There are 8 billion people in the world and it’s likely that someone can outdo you in one of those areas.
Be careful though. The impact space is not a sport. Second place is not the first loser. Just because someone can outdo you, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.
Here’s where Seth’s comment comes in though. Try to do those other things well (even if you’re not the best) but try something different. Try to out-love your competition. Seems obvious for an impactmaker, right?
Not so fast. What is loving really?
Seths.blog
Seth Godin is a world-renowned marketer and his blog is visited by millions. While I usually cringe at most marketing tactics, Seth has a special way of sharing a message - so much so that his writing moves far beyond gathering attention and sales for your brand.
Check out this article and video about Ecosia. The man is interested in impact; an honorary impactmaker for sure. Wait, honorary!? That’s an insult. He’s been at it way before we even started.
Despite his experience, Seth seems to keep the beginner’s mindset in his work. It’s similar to DC Glenn from Speaking of Impact episode 99.
See the Akimbo Podcast - more of Seth’s work on positive change.
Love is the Way
I tend to think that love is about as full proof as anything in our world.
Listen to Trenia Norford on Speaking of Impact episode 55 talk about love in the companionship sense. Also, see E-Impact 92 for a breakdown of the different words Greek has for love.
How do you love?
Love is so flexible. Some places don’t even have a word for it. It’s an action. I tell a story in my book, “Personal Finance in a Public World”, about an indigenous Mayan community that expresses love in service.
Love is the way, but it’s not just one way. There are many ways to express love. With that being said, each of us has our own ways to express it. You can’t say, “I have no way to show love to that person.”
You might not want to love someone or something and that is fair. But if you do, you can.
The Love Languages
You may have heard of The 5 Love Languages from Dr. Gary Chapman. This is a scientific (without discrediting the emotional piece) way to look at the importance of expressing love.
The 5 languages are:
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
A quote directly from the website says:
“By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and truly begin to grow closer.”
In the context of impact, I believe our loved ones include those we serve and those we serve with. With that being said, how can we learn to outlove?
The Competition
Our competition is the world; the messages we are bombarded with every day.
“You need this.”
“I can help you fix this.”
“What if you had this.”
“The best people have this.”
“Success comes with this.”
Insert any eternally useless possession for “this” in all of those claims.
Interestingly, each of those claims (and the numerous others out there) have a false message of love. Therefore, we actually have to out-love our competition. It seems to be an easy task if we’re competing against a fake form of something but it’s tricky.
Why So Tricky?
I wrote about delayed gratification (and love ironically) in E-Impact 56. This concept is relevant because this is the conflict that we face in out loving our competition.
The above claims play on the desire we have for immediacy. I have a strong concern for this force in the world. Technology, also a big topic in my book, is only getting stronger and faster. This leads to an ever increasing need for speed. It’s not just a movie, impactmakers.
Love is not something to rush. As much as I believe in love at first site, I also value sustainable love.
I loved my wife before we got married, but our relationship is even stronger now. The more positive time you spend with people, the more your bond grows.
The way we win our battle is to show the world that meaningful love and compassion lasts forever. It’s not perfect and has struggles, but it lasts. The shiny new toy that you give your kid during the holidays might express some love, but the item itself is fleeting. The joy only lasts so long. Parents who can show their children that their love will last forever are those that make a child feel valued, regardless of their possessions.
It’s tricky to express to people that they are loved and will always be loved when other messages are eliciting fast moving dopamine responses.
Do some research on oxytocin and dopamine and you’ll find some interesting science on how they work together. You have to find the right balance between anticipation of joy (dopamine) and a loving bond (oxytocin). Watch Wendy Steele’s TedX Talk that I have referenced before.
Wendy will be on a future episode of Speaking of Impact and was the Featured Philanthropist on a recent edition of Initiate Impact’s “Philanthropy is 🔥”.
You’ll need to be accepting of today’s technology and need for instant responses while also creating lasting relationships with people and serving with the intent to change lives, not create moments.
Marketing for impact is kind of like asking someone to subscribe to a service for their entire life. That’s the “bad news”. The “good news” is that it doesn’t cost them any money. You could argue it cost them some time and emotion, but many people have those things in abundance. Money is a less abundant tool (and increasingly less valuable considering inflation).
Execution
I’ve worked in a service business for thirteen years but haven’t always been great providing it. It’s a bit challenging to even claim that I am capable of serving well, but I do know that I’ve improved and it’s because I can reflect on the strongest relationships I’ve developed. Those bonds were often made with people who were in great need when we first met.
I knew the people that needed the most help. I spent the most time working with them and as a result learned how impact is something that can and should be sustainable.
Executing love can be hard but it’s not too complicated. First of all, you must have compassion. We can assume anyone participating in The Impactmkaer Movement is predispositioned for that but don’t be afraid to challenge yourself.
Assuming you’ve found compassion for a specific group of people, you are prepared to love well.
Before you begin giving things, money, and even providing services, you must talk with people Ask questions, learn about people’s situation, understand their perspective on life. These conversations and the time spent are the development of strong bonds. They are love.
When you have a bond, everything else becomes a practice of reinforcing it. This is where the technical aspects of running an organization or small impact project comes in. Advertising, coordination, selling, buying, delivering, training, and other acts of service become acts of love.
Branding
I am sure Seth would agree that you have to develop a relationship with your “customers”. What if The Impactmaker Movement was known for that? What if it was our brand?
I’d like to think we are getting there, but there is still work to be done. Philanthropy and giving are great actions but they are not the ultimate weapon in our battle of love. They are part of it.
We have to stop fighting the short term battle. We can’t try to make our actions more appealing than the short term fix that we have seen in the world. Even if we were successful, we’d be building the wrong brand and setting ourself up for failure.
Impact work is not fleeting. It takes time and delayed gratification - for you, your team, those your serve, and the public.
We have to build a brand that says we care about people’s well-being and intend to work until they no longer need assistance or until we can no longer be effective. This is much different than a short term dopamine hit or quick problem fix. In fact, it’s not a problem fix at all. It’s providing something that is needed.
Problems vs. Needs
Let’s focus more on the needs of people than the problems. Last week, in E-Impact 102, I mentioned problems in a different context but the writings are related because the appropriate action is a focus on what you can do to help the situation, not what someone else’s problem is.
Focus on the effort that you can continue to provide and be known for consistent acts of love, not fleeting acts of attention.
Keep spending time and money.
Keep thinking about how you can make a difference.
Keep working as hard as you can.
But most importantly, keep loving those in need and the competition won’t stand a chance.